Taking notice of what other people think is a black hole nemeses of personal and cultural progress. Energy drawn off into the explaining and defensiveness is energy lost that could have been used for change. What others think (opinions) about my life is usually nearly altogether about who “the others” are (their issues) and has almost nothing to do with a thought for who I am.
At 66 years old, post prostate removal (cancer) and living single I choose a celibate life as a cognitive decision. My guess is good sex is a lot more about ongoing open communication, intimate / honest / courteous and respectful candor imbedded (no pun intended) as a habit across the holistic open-minded relationship. That’s a significant amount of investment and work and when I look in the mirror I don’t find a man motivated to go to those lengths — so as a matter of respect and integrity I try to not do open up or tease those areas of relationship dance with the wonderful beautiful women friends in my life.
The reason I read this interesting essay about “bad sex” wasn’t because of an interest in sex (maybe that is a mistake on my part) but because in western culture sex tends to be one of the flash points. I am inspired, encouraged and proud for women who talk about it and get the discussion on the table. It is about chauvinism, sexual harassment, rape, bad sex … AND … as an anthropologist I believe in a very real way it is about “us”, all of us. As a generalization men don’t talk to men. Women, LGBT, civil rights groups, etc. have shown some courage to open dialogue but we have such a long way to go. It’s my conviction dysfunctional sexual and bigotry/racism patterns and behaviors are just symptomatic of a very real shadow self altogether alive and in power in many cultures of which the “west” is just one. It would seem to me if these corrosive threads are real they would be a very limiting condition stunting human progress. Change seems unlikely to happen in the abstract, why not start the dialogue on a specific area most humans are attentive and biologically motivated toward? If it’s going to happen women will, it seems possible, likely be the ones to lead the discussion. The day I hear two men talking about it is the day I’ll celebrate progress. As a straight man I’d love to have a candid camera when I bring up subjects like emotional intimacy and understanding the innermost psychological and physical experiences that women in our lives our having. Most guys look around to see if the imaginary “Man Card” umpire is going to throw a red flag for inappropriate topic.
Ultimately when people ask me why I am so biased about getting more women in leadership roles (business, politics, religion, education, etc.) my answer is not about women per se. It’s about enlightened self interest. My culture, environment and society is unraveling and threadbare and for me my sense is women are critical to mending and recovery. Good sex for more women seems a great place to start, good luck!
