I think this essay is thought provoking and left me with questions — which I think good writing does. As a 60 year old widowed American heterosexual male with the checklist of good health, fit, no addictions and fortunate finances I’ve questioned my unwillingness to put forth effort at dating or looking for love, romantic relationship — next door or in the next country. I’ve had my testosterone levels checked (normal) to make sure I’m not missing some chemical drive that would explain my low motivation. Being as honest as I can be with myself …. At this point in life I find that I put other interests and passions in my life ahead of “romantic relationship” or “passion love relationship” — friendships, reading, meditation, ranching, affordable housing development, human services causes (mental health resources, immigration reform, innovation and investment in education), and … travel (including mainland China) and other things absorb my energy and time. As I read this article I thought, “why”, what about the idea of a relationship with an ethnic Asian woman motivated me to be interested in and read the subject matter?

Exotic/erotic? Couldn’t find a lot of that motive, noticed I do have enough testosterone to have the thought but also the maturity to put that motive in shallow, unfulfilling, no meaning. How about the often criticized “younger woman” syndrome — the aging/less desirable American male syndrome based on things outlined in this article and the criticisms I’ve read about older American males using economics and status for an uneven advantage in gaining a relationship with a younger, visually appealing partner? Didn’t match that motive, I get way to many propositions and matchmaking attempts already. I have enough selfishness, childishness and insecurity that I (embarrassed for immaturity) noticed the calculation. And, I also have enough honesty and pragmatism to know this is a long standing motive for men and women of all times, geography, cultures. An American male or female on the American frontier who lost a spouse needed to find a replacement as a matter of utilitarian requirement especially if children, agriculture or economic necessity were involved. It’s not a shameful motive.

It took awhile but I landed on what I could pass a polygraph test on why my interest in the subject of going to the Philippines (or wherever) for “romantic partner”. Why NOT have interest? I have close friends 15 years older than me (male and female). I have a close friendship with 3 regular American teenagers (two male, one female) where all subjects get talked about. One truly great friendship with a 10 year old, we talk about everything when she visits. At least 20-30 close friendships with people in between. Male, female, rich, poor, gay, conservative, liberal, whatever. All this excludes family and about half-dozen truly intimate close bonded friendships (that come immediately to mind) across male, female rich, poor, traditional background and immigrant newcomers. I like diversity. If I had the time and was in Thailand would I seek out romance let alone sex trade? No. Would I seek to get to know locals including innocent flirting with women? Yes, life is short.

I hope no one reads this, I’m not on an expedition to start looking for romance with an Asian woman - I don’t have enough bandwidth, not motivated and am too old. I wrote it as a journaling exercise to explore a question to myself. Well, I take that back. If a 30 or 40 year old available male or female were to read this and think, “I’ll look for partner from Africa, Malaysia, Japan, Egypt or India, blah, blah …” … why not? My American born nephew got slammed with infidelity and divorce and met an African chemist on a dating app and they got married 10 years ago and are happy with two kids, c'est la vie.