I love this article and love the responses. I want to have in me the full article that Misty asked for in terms of leveling upward with fear as a informational marker not a barrier. I haven’t learned or lived it yet. For Tim and anyone reading this I do have a lived experience to share.

For 40 years I worked for Fortune 100 companies and loved it and had failures and also successes. My job was challenging doing creative solutions related to global technology systems usually on the leading if not bleeding edge. The WHOLE time I was afraid and making plans like Tim describes to live under a bridge and shower at a minimum fee gym to earn food money at some minimum wage job to have a blanket and change of clothes and some peanut butter. I wound up having an enormous amount of savings and a guaranteed (short of apocalypse which I can always fabricate in my imagination) well into 6 figure income. So what’s the point to this backdrop?

Now I’m involved in developing real estate, building solar systems, working in nature grooming a 80 acre biological habitat, doing beautiful buildings I architect (and in some cases construct), outdoors, being creative and on my on schedule working with co-workers I love and it is working out fabulously — and guess what? For me that fear never goes away. Not with meditation, being present in the moment, not with therapy, not with every circumstance fixed and all the ducks in a row.

I have come to this place where I say to myself life is short and I’ll be dead soon enough and won’t care anyway. Zero is OK. So, this is the way it is going to be, fear will lurk around like stalker who will pop up at expected and unexpected times with varying degrees of emotional power. It’s not to be ignored and it is also not an indication that something is wrong and in many cases an indication I have an opportunity for growth. If it has one salient value it seems that the value is to trigger alertness.

I’m going to live today and move forward, the fear is not a truth or a lie, fact or fiction, just an alertness gong that goes off as long as I am involved in life. I could sit down and just read Medium, audit interesting classes at college, read and travel. Really, fact. Just buy an RV and just cruise about. No fear. Really, not kidding, not exaggerating.

Then I look myself in the mirror and ask “do you actually want that?”. “Would you do that if it was the last day of your life?”The answer is “hell no” — “I’ll take the firing line it’s meaning and motivation and that is life to me, fear is one of the companions in that choice. Period, just is. Maybe one day I’ll just buy a better couch and warmer slippers and check out”. Nah, I don’t think that’s me.