3 Observations and 4 Learnings from a One Year Covid Journal

What I learned from Covid journaling everyday 03–2020 to 03–2021

A year ago (March 7, 2020) I committed to one year of playing solitaire each day as a trigger to then journal observations in real-time to record my perceptions of what a shared sociological drama, a pandemic event, felt like written down each day (not just in retrospect). I felt like at the time (03–07–2020) I was fairly early to start the experiment (it is written down) . In retrospect this was not true. The facts are already the UIL state basketball championship was canceled and a lot of media articles were being written. A lot of actions were already started.

I am not sure what pushed me over the edge of the realization that an event was happening. I now realize I am slow to recognize and acknowledge information and that many people are even slower than me.

I wanted to record for myself. I’m convinced our egos invent stories in the rear view mirror — diaries of people who live through world wars or natural catastrophes are a lot more uneven and uncertain in explanation or meaning than epics pulled together after the facts.

My observation is this. If we ever have a truly disruptive event — 3 month electrical system meltdown, asteroid strike, volcanic eruption, true brutal biological disaster — it drags on and on and even with the ups and downs it becomes numbing.

Case in point I wrote this story and reread my journal. I had left out the day that I got a call my uncle had died from Covid, the day I went to his funeral, the day my brother went into a 4 day Covid delirium and the week after when I visited him at the rehab facility. These last 2 sentences I added after I had written this story. I think maybe we are not very accurate eye witnesses to our own lives. Maybe most people are different than me — God I hope so.

Summing up “numbing” is not very inspiring but it is how my Covid journal 03–2020 to 03–2021 feels to me. Here are my 3 conclusions:

1. There really is a roughly 80–20% rule. About 20% of the population will be angry, selfish, uncooperative, unhelpful. About 20% will be especially helpful, supportive, centered and rescuing. 60% go along to try to get along. Most will already have revealed their tendency by what they do or how they act in regular everyday life. The other 60% of us are mostly compliant.
2. It is really helpful when leaders foster solidarity, calm, solid, pragmatic and unifying messages. The stress of the situation will be made much worse if there is divisiveness, gossip, finger pointing.
3. “Non-normal” or if you prefer calling it the “adjustment to the new normal” is a distraction and a drag on energy, creativity, productivity, efficiency. Sort of a “working in weighted boots” syndrome. The need for more sleep, rest, downtime seems to be a natural reaction of the body and if that can’t be accommodated the sense of disorientation, vulnerability, fatigue and zombie-ism going through the motions sets in. Adjusting to a “new normal” seems to, as a generalization, bring along something of a depression tendency. Sometimes human nature will act out like children deprived of their nap time.

The recommendations I have made to myself as a result of this experiment are:

1. Keep working at being out of myself and more aware of others and environment. I have a longer way to go than many. Situational awareness is a valuable skill and we have lots of evidence it can be improved through practice and exercise.
2. Do not be over distorted in perceptions as the 80–20 rule unfolds. Yes, a few will act out in ways that are ugly, some in ways that are heroic. Take it all in stride, work to not blow it out of proportion, it is almost always a mix and many shades of gray.
3. Be part of the “helpful leader” bunch — work at calm, optimism, smiling, courtesy and helpfulness. The “Boy Scout/Girl Scout” values are actually very spiritual.
4. When going through a change make allowance for more downtime and recharge time. Be kind to myself.

Was the one year of deliberately journaling a specific social event in real time worth it? Maybe, I think it depends on how much I actually incorporate the learnings into my life.