1st, congratulations. I have some familiarity with addiction and have listened to the sincere and honest soul bearing of the difficulty of abstinence/cessation of cigarette smoking from people who had quit addictions society and culture categorize and rightfully demonize as “highly addictive”. I am always in awe when this miracle happens.

I find this “disgusted with self” an interesting thought and source of for reflection because it seems to me I have many “selves”. How sick and tired am I of being the self that is sick and tired? It may be that “wishful thinking” is not the completely fruitless parking lot it’s consistently made out to be. Yes, it’s mostly that, and, what if there is a little nugget of information about the spirit I truly am meant to be, hunger to be?

So many articles in social media, Medium, newsstands have some number — 8 steps to whatever. I’ve stopped recoiling from the idea of the attraction of a “canned” silver bullet list and started searching for common denominators beneath and perhaps unconscious to the appealing cognitive condensation.

I don’t think I have anything nailed down. Relationship — to my self, to greater spirits and with others seems to be a thread. Desperation, real, gut wrenching desperation for a different place seems to be a thread (I wish I didn’t have to even look at what I just typed). Honesty. Open mindedness. Willingness. Psychic shift whatever that is, the words may not be write nevertheless the occurrence of some shift seems to be real.

Thank you for giving me a miracle to think about today.